The kindness of strangers

When I came home today, there was a small package waiting for me on the stoop. It was light, I shook it. Then, I eagerly tore into it like a little girl-princess on her birthday. I opened it to find...a frothing pitcher.

At first, I was very confused. I don't own an espresso maker! I thought, "why would Jesse only buy me a frothing pitcher?" (background: Jesse, one of the most fabulous people ever decided to surprise me with something because it was HER birthday!) Then, I realized that the espresso maker just might not have made it to my house yet. I squealed, ran upstairs and immediately logged into my Amazon wishlist. And sure enough, there under "Bought Items" was the espresso maker I had been drooling over for months! ALSO, my wishlist informed me that she had bought me a David Sedaris book I had been eyeing as well!

My readership may be small, but goddamn do I love all of you.

Thank you, Jesse. You are beyond kind.


Lusty Lust

Oh, how I adore vintage lingerie. A friend of mine was recently kind (and evil) enough to share this website with me, a vintage-inspired lingerie boutique that carries both regular AND plus sizes. Now that's something I can get behind! Of course, my wish list is long. Wanna see a sample?

Ostrich Feather Kimono (in Pink, a color they don't show on the website)

Crinoline/Contrast Trim Petticoat

Dita von Teese Glamour French Heel

Pink/Black Nanette Open Bottom Girdle

Sleeping with the frenemy

Overnight dates really are a whole different experience.

There's the time thing, of course. Spending 8+ hours curled into the arms of a near-stranger can be odd-making for everyone involved. Though sex work has taught me a lot about how much people crave intimacy, so much that they will pay for it, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof, I am still at a loss as for how one can forget that the woman you are paying to be there only likes you for that very reason.

But then again, maybe they don't know that. On more than one occasion (maybe even most), clients who want a "GFE" want to know if I would date them for free. They're convinced that they are the men for me and that we could really get along and so maybe we could go on a "real" date or could I at least give them a discount? Those are the times when I want to shit-talk about my clients. I get insulted and angry that they would even dare to think that I am in this just for fun or because I'm looking for a boyfriend or even if I was, that I am looking for them specifically. It's presumptuous and arrogant and disrespectful, three of my least favorite attitudes to experience. But then I remember that it's not about me. They want to be close with someone. Most of all, they want me to be "real" with them, to have real romantic feelings about them and to not fake the kisses, the caresses, the compliments, the orgasms, the post-sex cuddling.

Having been single for most of my adult life, I can understand the longing. Sometimes when it's cold at night and I am stretched out in my double bed, alone again, I wish for the warm body of a loved one next to me, someone to snuggle me to sleep, kiss my hair and tell me that I am a princess. Sometimes on those nights, I want to give my lonely clients a long, comforting hug and tell them that I understand. Completely.


An administrative note:

I'll be deleting all the annoying spam that plagues my journal from now on. So, no need to surmise that I'm trashing hate mail from my readers.

Lusty grabs another from the mailbox

From: Apadravia
To: Lusty

How do you become a part time sex worker?

Great question, Apadravia! It's quite easy, as a matter of fact. Here's a an easy step-by-step guide to help you along on this journey:

1. Start off by deciding in college that you'd like to become a humanities major, preferably earning your B.A. in something incredibly non-marketable like English, Philosophy, or Women's Studies. Even something like Communications or Art History will do.
2. Post-graduation, search frantically for a job, any job, that pays over $10 an hour and that has health insurance.
3. Once you realize that this is impossible in the post-9/11 economy, settle for a retail job that pays you nearly the same hourly wage you were making before you spent tens of thousands of dollars on a college education.
4. Get depressed about #3, gain weight, watch lots of cable.
5. Over the course of a few months, deplete your savings, rack up credit card debt, repeat #3.
6. Ruefully move back in with parents, take another crappy job with a terror of a boss, continue to repeat #3.
7. After a year of enduring this special kind of hell, get fed up with living at home and current crappy jobs, look for jobs in another city, find one, and move out.
8. Take new job that pays a lot better and has health insurance, but realize that you still can't pay your damn bills.
9. Rack your brains for get-rich quick schemes. Play lotto several times before realizing that this is not an acceptable nor realistic way to pay off credit card debt.
10. Browse Craigslist one day, find the "Erotic Services" section, realize that you can make staggering amounts of cash in relatively short amounts of time for spreading your legs.
11. Answer emails of men looking for sex, screen clients, meet them, do the deed, and collect your cash. Rinse, lather, repeat.

Hope that helps!*

*But if you're actually serious about this, there are countless other web and print resources out there for would-be sex workers, Apadravia.