11.17.2005

Sleeping with the frenemy

Overnight dates really are a whole different experience.

There's the time thing, of course. Spending 8+ hours curled into the arms of a near-stranger can be odd-making for everyone involved. Though sex work has taught me a lot about how much people crave intimacy, so much that they will pay for it, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof, I am still at a loss as for how one can forget that the woman you are paying to be there only likes you for that very reason.

But then again, maybe they don't know that. On more than one occasion (maybe even most), clients who want a "GFE" want to know if I would date them for free. They're convinced that they are the men for me and that we could really get along and so maybe we could go on a "real" date or could I at least give them a discount? Those are the times when I want to shit-talk about my clients. I get insulted and angry that they would even dare to think that I am in this just for fun or because I'm looking for a boyfriend or even if I was, that I am looking for them specifically. It's presumptuous and arrogant and disrespectful, three of my least favorite attitudes to experience. But then I remember that it's not about me. They want to be close with someone. Most of all, they want me to be "real" with them, to have real romantic feelings about them and to not fake the kisses, the caresses, the compliments, the orgasms, the post-sex cuddling.

Having been single for most of my adult life, I can understand the longing. Sometimes when it's cold at night and I am stretched out in my double bed, alone again, I wish for the warm body of a loved one next to me, someone to snuggle me to sleep, kiss my hair and tell me that I am a princess. Sometimes on those nights, I want to give my lonely clients a long, comforting hug and tell them that I understand. Completely.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Jesse said...

my sister sees a therapist, okay, to be fair, both of us see therapists. The difference between us is that she wants her therapist to think that she is special, or to look forward to her sessions. I on the other hand, want to be just like all of my therapists other clients.

I think that as much as loneliness plays into the GFE, there is something about wanting to be the special person. To have gotten through the sex-for-money part and had you like them more than your other clients.

I don't know, I could be wrong, but thats how I see it.

much love, and beautiful post by the way.

4:01 PM  
Blogger Lusty said...

I think you're right about the wanting to feel special thing too, though logically speaking, how would any one client be special if, for some extra cash, any client can pretend to be my boyfriend?

I suppose the point is that none of this is logical and most of it is fantasy.

4:12 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home