There are easy things, like sex...

And then there is the complicated issue of Sexuality.

Some people call it Sexual Orientation. Some people's labels are limited to the narrow categories of Gay and Straight. Others may expand to include Bisexual and yet others may include the seeming catch-all Queer.

Yet, what single-word label would you give to someone who identifies as Femme* and girl, but not necessarily as Woman? To that same person who sleeps with masculine-presenting people who were labeled female at birth who may identify themselves as FTM, butches or fags or metrosexuals or genderqueers or None/All of the Above, and who occasionally romps with girly girls such as herself, and who even more occasionally sleeps with men with penises that came attached as babies for sport?

Did you get all that?

Queer, as in Not-Straight, seems to mostly encompass that, and it's what I use to describe myself, but how does one explain something like that to an unsuspecting acquaintance without getting into TMI-land? And how do you explain such things to the medical health professional who asks you if you're sexually active, and if so, with whom? What about to well-meaning co-workers who ask if you're dating anyone? And to your parents?

And of course, my venture into sex work land has complicated that as well. Though my sleeping with men for money doesn't usually at all resemble the kind of recreational sex that I engage in, it doesn't mean that desire never plays a role in the interactions. Sometimes I get wet when I'm having sex with clients, occasionally, I fantasize about what I've done with clients in bed on a later date, and sometimes I make up fantasies about the kind of client I secretly wish I would have. Further still, I am a creature largely motivated by desire. A large portion of my sexuality has less to do with the sex or gender of my crush than it does with the knowledge of being desirable/desired. Someone could be my ideal partner in terms of looks or personality, but if they never show a modicum of lust for me, consider my girl boner soft.

Sometimes I annoy even myself with how complicated my desires are. It'd be so much easier (on everyone else) if I were able to answer that big question with a simple answer. But, you know, what are you gonna do but live with yourself? Fortunately, for the most part, I've stopped giving a damn that most people in the world (including some other queer people) refuse to see complexity and automatically assume that I'm a straight girl. To them, the sexuality equation is simple: 1 girly-appearing girl + 1 manly-appearing man = 1 happy hetero couple. And though I am under no illusion that because my partners and I have different parts than your average boy-girl couple or because of the kinky shit we do in bed, our sex is somehow inherently revolutionary. However, it can still be quite amusing for the both of us to be so utterly different than whatever it is the general public assumes of us.


*I'm providing those handy dandy little links not because I think the sources linked are at all a definitive definition/explanation of the concepts I list that may or may not be foreign to you, but because I think that they could be useful places to start learning about them.