Well hello there

You thought I was gone, didn't you?

Yeah, well, me too.

After a horrible experience with a client at the agency I joined last December and a move to another large metropolitan city some 4 and a half hours from my old location, I took a long break. You see, I got a great new day job that didn't pay that well, but that I really loved. And I tried to make it, I really did. I attempted to live on a salary that I knew deep down wouldn't pay my bills and attempted to shuffle things around until I found myself desperately broke, even on pay days.

So here I am again, my jaw in pain after a weekend of seeing clients and sucking cock. My reentry into the business was no surprise to me, but a disappointment nevertheless. I suppose I was being an optimist, reasoning that I'd get by somehow, even though I've never been one to relish living on ramen and a prayer.

I'm finding, however, that finding time to work a 40-something hour work week at a day job, spending time with my friends, maintaining a fairly active dating life, seeing clients on the side and somehow trying to find extra slots of time for mundane things like the gym, laundry and grocery shopping is impossible. Sleep, once my best friend, now seems like this inconvenient needy thing that gets in the way of all the shit I have to do. It's true that I thrive best when I'm busy, but can a girl get a break?

Another new challenge that's been interesting is having to navigate sex work via public transportation. I sold my car last summer, and though this city's public transportation is far superior to my old city's, it's still a pain to get from point A to B. Hence, I am much less likely to take quick jobs that pay less because of the travel time involved. Which inevitably means that I'm providing "full service" (industry terms that usually mean penis-in-vagina sex + blow jobs + any other extras negotiated between client and provider) during every session. Which, oh my lord, is taxing. Sure, it means more money, but it also means more time finding clients, more risk and more emotional energy expended before and during the session. I'm exhausted.

Luckily, friends, I have a fantastic vacation planned for next month. It's a (late) birthday present to myself, as I've been making it a habit to travel every year on my birthday for the last several years. And this year, I'll be traveling to a tropical climate and doing it on a dime. But even dimes have to be earned, and funny how working for a vacation fund feels infinitely easier than working to pay off that mattress you bought last winter. And I've told myself that I'll deal with my less interesting bills once I get back.

It Ain't Easy [Looking For] a Pimp

Well, I'm still at it.

Despite all my reservations, I'm continuing to see clients. In fact, I contacted a local agency for the first time and they bit right back. In a few days, I'll meet with the guy who runs the agency and maybe start working for them.

PROS
*More clients = more money
*The agency screens clients ahead of time
*The agency provides protection and also transportation
*No more trolling craigslist for shady flakes who will waste my time

CONS
*More clients = higher chance of burnout
*High possibility of seeing several (up to 6, even?) clients a night carries with it a high possibility that I will feel extremely grossed out
*I will, for all intents and purposes, have a pimp
*The dude in charge takes a large percentage of any money earned

I think that, if this meeting with him goes well, I am going to join the agency despite the pretty significant list of cons. I'll go on a bender for a couple of weeks and hopefully by the new year, I'll have a new job and a cozy stack of cash saved up for my impending move. Oh wait, did I mention that to y'all? Not only am I looking for work, but I am also looking to move to The Big City (you can probably guess which one). Whether or not I'll continue my underground career there is to be determined by what kind of job I'll get and what it pays.

But, having a pimp? As a feminist, the idea of having one is pretty appalling. At the same time, I will be thoroughly screening this dude to make sure he's not crazy, abusive, violent or some scary combination of the three. And the pros on the list are pretty tempting. The agency does all of the advertising, all of the scheduling, and even provides an incall location if I want one.

I swear, my involvement in this profession becomes more and more surreal as time goes on. Funnily enough, I still feel really fucking naive about it all. It can be fun to act jaded and worldly when I tell my wide-eyed friends the stories, but deep down, I think I'm still clutching my pearls.

Just a little bit more

Tonight, I had a super super super creepy experience with a client.

No, he didn't try to take advantage of me. Nor did he try to get me to do stuff that I didn't already agree to. I'm safe, I promise.

It's that Mr. Lovemaker just loved looking deeply into my eyes and murmuring sweet nothings in my ear. When there's chemistry, he whispermumbled, it's more like passion.

I am so very amazed that clients honestly don't seem to realize that I am getting paid to be nice to them. Maybe it's that they want to believe so badly that what they're getting is some sort of "authentic" experience that they'll take any kind gesture to mean that it's "real." I realize that lots of married men see sex workers because their own relationships have long since fizzled into something less than passion. And I realize that it's more pragmatic (not to mention more economically sound) to see a sex worker than it is to sustain an affair, but I really feel that some dudes have incredibly skewed expectations of what we/I can give them. Sure, you can call it a Girlfriend Experience, but I am not your girlfriend. Maybe it's than when they hand me the wad of cash, I have neglected to tell them that I am only willing to rent out my body and my acting skills. My brain, my passion and my genuine self just aren't for sale.

I think this profession is turning me into a man-hating dyke quicker than you can say womyn.

Here's the worst part, though, the part that maybe made it all the more disturbing to me: I had an orgasm with Mr. Lovemaker.

Wow, was that hard to admit. It was the first time I've had a genuine orgasm with a client and one of less than a handful of times that I've had an orgasm with a man born with his penis. You see, I was fantasizing about my current crush, anything to take my mind off of Mr. Lovemaker's ministrations, and I started feeling myself get turned on. I requested that he enter me from behind so that I could bury my head in the pillow and think about this girl while touching myself and, well, I came.

How come I'm ashamed? How many times have I read similar confessions from other sex workers and thought to myself, Honey, no worries! It doesn't have to mean anything! Easier said than done, I know now.

It's become really clear to me and most likely to you by now that this is the wrong profession for me. I'm no Annie Sprinkle, spreading the joy of sex to the world through my sexual gifts to one john at a time. No, loves, I'm just some broke lady who's begrudgingly loaning out her body until things change for the better.

I'd rather be working

So here's the update. I haven't worked since I injured my back (for obvious reasons) a weekish ago, but now I'm completely and totally broke and have no choice. Like, I need to make $1000 in the next week or so or else I can't pay my bills. Part of that is due to the fact that the unemployment office in this city is decidedly, well, stingy.

This is all also complicated by the fact that I'm leaving tomorrow night for my parents' house and won't be back until Saturday. Fret, fret fret.

I've been trolling the craigslist erotic services section, naturally, but it's so freaking hard to find clients when you're only answering ads. I'm REALLY paranoid about attracting LE (Law Enforcement) that way, so I continue to agonize over whether putting up an ad on craigslist or another escort lister like Eros is worth it.

If I do decide to do it (which I probably eventually will) I came up with the way to advertise myself. The headline will read (in all caps, because that's how they all seem to do it on craigslist): EVER DREAM OF A SUICIDE GIRL WITH MEAT ON HER BONES? Before you spit out your beverage, let me assure you that I hate the Suicide Girls industry as much as the any other person with a politicized brain. But hear me out. You see, the city in which I live is an extremely button-down city. Wait, let me rephrase that. People in this city who can afford escorts are, for the most part, button-down dudez a.k.a. White Guys in Ties. And I have a few qualities (piercings, busty, biracial) that make me "exotic." I could capitalize on the biracial thing, but I have a feeling that dudez looking for some sort of Asian girl would expect a skinny one. By capitalizing on the plus sized and pierced angle, I think I could carve myself out a real niche in this city.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tonight I found a client that I'll hopefully be seeing on Saturday. He was really sweet and fell all over himself in his email telling me how hot I am and how much he can't wait to see me. I noticed something curious right away, however. Most clients, like most escorts, create a separate email address with which to conduct their naughty business. Mr. Compliments, though, used his work email!

Of course, I went straight to his work website and found out in fairly short order that Mr. Compliments is Senior VP for a big consulting firm in the city. After reading his bio, I was even more stunned to find out that he does tech stuff. I mean seriously, wha??? Even the least tech savvy client in the world knows not to solicit prostitution over work email! After reading even more of his bio, however, I was even more amused to find that Mr. Compliments adjuncts at my alma matter!

The question at hand: will it feel more like shadenfraude or sheer evil delight when I pee in his mouth and then make him lick my asshole?

Another Return

It's probably the case that any regular readers I once had have long since forgotten about these dusty (e)pages. Maybe you, like me, thought that I was done forever with the sex trade. Or if not done, I/we thought, on an extended break.

Shit, as they say, happens. I got laid off. I have no savings. I am possibly allergic to the idea of temping. My love affair with the city in which I currently reside is coming to an end. The amount of money one can receive on unemployment is shamefully low.

For all of those reasons, a return to quick cash seemed highly necessary. After all, how else would I be able to save up a chunk of change for a big move to a new city?

In the time since I've last written here, I've gotten a few sex work job offers, but turned them all down because the idea of putting on that kind of show seemed like too much for me to handle. Granted, it never feels that way once the cash touches my palm, but there are so many painstaking steps that precede that one satisfying moment in time. This time around, however, I'm doing things a little bit differently. I have successfully recruited a hard-up friend (we'll call her Red) to go into business with me. We sat down together last week and wrote down a laundry list of sex acts that we would and would not do, tentatively priced our services and wrote an ad.

"LUSTY AND RED CAN MAKE YOUR FANTASIES COME TRUE!"

Some of you may have heard about the high number of Craigslist busts that have happened in the time since my hiatus. Because of this, Red and I will have to take extra precautions and be extra dodgy about the meat and potato ($) details of these transactions. Being oblique is part and parcel of this work, but it really makes things so much more difficult to negotiate when you're made to use ridiculous code language like french, russian, roses and greek to describe specific things like price and sex acts.

But I digress. I came here to talk about how things are different for me this time around, and not necessarily in a positive way. My reentry into the biz feels like less of a choice than it did the first time. Because although I wanted/needed the extra cash before, I at least had a straight job to be my bread and butter. But now, unemployed, I've gotta work for my rent and it feels...uncomfortable. Someone asked me if I felt empowered about my choice and I can't say that I particularly do. It's a damn shame that the way our world is built cannot support its citizens who don't have jobs.

We'll see how things develop. Maybe I'll get a fantastic job tomorrow and this will all be for naught. So stay tuned, petunias.

I'm the end of the line

So, it looks as if my break from the sex industry just may be permanent.

Cops, using the Net, nab five in prostitution ring
Those arrested are accused of using Craigslist.com to push prostitution at motels in Plainview, Jericho

BY MICHAEL FRAZIER
Newsday Staff Writer

June 9, 2006

Millions of online users turn to the popular Craigslist.com Web site in search for a home, tickets or a car, but many also use it to find sex.

Understanding that, Nassau police routinely monitored the site and this week arrested five people accused of using it to advertise prostitution.

Police said they suspect dozens of so-called Johns in recent weeks answered the ads and met for sex at motels in Plainview and Jericho.

"This is an ongoing problem to Nassau County and the metropolitan area ... that the vice squad is attentive to," said Capt. Steven Skrynecki of the Nassau County Vice Squad. "It's a constant battle to keep this under control."

Numerous resident complaints and undercover operations led to the arrests of the five who appeared Thursday in First District Court in Hempstead, authorities said. Police said they all, except a man-and-woman team, acted independently.

Craigslist.com, a site allowing Internet users to peruse and post notices for free, has more than 10 million visitors each month, the site said.

Illegal sex-for-money ads can be found under the site's erotic section. Some are accompanied by lewd or sexually explicit language and pictures.

"We received quite a bit of calls from parents ... and from adults themselves who ... find this to be offensive," Skrynecki said "It's a fine line in promoting prostitution and allowing advertisement."

Craigslist's founder, Craig Newmark, didn't return a call Thursday seeking comment.

On Tuesday, Ebony Gilreath, 21, of Brooklyn, was arrested on a charge of prostitution at a Plainview motel. Shaneesa White, 21, of College Park, Ga., and Keith Cowan, 23, of Riverdale, Ga., were arrested at a Jericho motel.

White had her daughter, 4, with her at the time of her arrest. The child was placed in a Suffolk County foster home, .police said.

When White met customers for sex, she left her daughter alone in the car outside the hotel room, police said. They said Cowan served as White's chauffeur and security guard.

White was charged with prostitution and endangering the welfare of a child. Cowan was charged with promoting .prostitution, endangering the welfare of a child and criminal possession of marijuana.

On Wednesday, police arrested Claudinette Rodriguez, 38, of Miami Beach, and Victoria Finley, 21, of Orlando, Fla., at Plainview motels and charged each of them with prostitution.

Gilreath was released without bond, pending a June 19 court date.

White had a bail set of $2,000 cash or bond. So did Rodriguez.

Cowan was ordered held on a bail of $2,000 bond or $3,000 cash, while Finley's bail was set at $5,000 bond or $2,500 cash.

Craigslist has long been criticized for allowing unmonitored, and in some cases illegal ads, to be posted. Arrests stemming from sex ads posted there are occurring across the country.

Under federal law, Craigslist isn't liable for what appears on its site, said Kurt Opsahl, a staff attorney for the San Francisco, Calif.-based Electronic Frontier Foundation.

Shock and awe

I am seriously considering having sex with a non-trans man.

For free.

And not because I'm in love.

I just want to get fucked.