Several friends of mine have asked whether or not getting involved with MM is going to result in hurt feelings.

My answer? Probably.

Since our encounter last week, MM and I have been emailing and chatting frequently. He's a bit taken with me, and I can't say that I mind the attention. MM has been telling me some of the little things that he can't stop thinking about: the five little freckles that spell an M on my cheek; my soft skin; the dimple in between my mouth and chin; my "achingly perfect back." The attention has been positively intoxicating.

To my surprise, the other day MM proposed a sleepover. The question of how a married man could swing an overnight aside, I was surprised to find myself saying yes. It takes quite a bit of trust and affection for me to want to sleep next to and then wake up to someone, so choosing to build that trust and affection with MM feels like a bit of a dangerous proposition.

I'm headed down a path of multiple and somewhat unknown consequences. On the one hand, I have been given the opportunity to learn more about my ever-evolving sexuality. On the other, if I end up developing more feelings for MM than I intended, I am likely signing up for hurt and disappointment by seeing someone who is ultimately unavailable to me.

Saying yes to being vulnerable is never without risk. And I've decided that whether or not my affair with MM will end up in hurt can't be the measure with which I base my actions, but rather, will the hurt be worth it if I come out of it with new experiences and a renewed understanding about who am and what I want?

I am saying yes to all of it - the hurt, the pleasure, the ambivalence, and the rest of the inevitable unknown.


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