Boundaries

Boundaries are good. They help keep me sane.

I did a lot of intense processing with myself after a day feeling full of ick about John and realized that I didn't take into consideration the idea that I could assert boundaries and slow this shit down. Just because he might give me some money and gifts doesn't mean I don't have any say in what I do or do not do. So, I emailed him yesterday afternoon and said:

I have to say that I've done some thinking, and I'm worried that things are moving a little fast. This doesn't mean that I'm saying no to your proposal, but that I want to slow things down a little bit. Thanks for understanding, [John].

He replied back immediately and admitted that he might have gotten carried away and that he would be fine with slowing things down. Phew!

I also did a lot of thinking on whether or not this sugar daddy arrangement is really ok with me. Sure, the money is fairly dependable, but I'm beginning to wonder if the amount of time required to upkeep the relationship is worth what I'll get. I suppose I won't know until he starts giving me money, right? I thought about proposing a monthly allowance of about $1000 for a certain amount of hours spent with him so that I don't feel like I'm giving him all of my time. John is under the impression that this is my first time doing this sort of thing, so I don't want to come off as too...savvy, I suppose is the word. But I also don't want to do a lot of work for a relatively small amount (meaning, if I'm only getting paid $1000 a month for spending 40 hours a month with him, that averages out to only $25 an hour!!!).

Anyway, I'm trying not to jump ahead of myself, because he could still be a big faker, but I also don't want to be unprepared and end up screwing myself over.